Oh. You're here. That’s unfortunate.

Hopefully you've already established that you are in the wrong place. You may now close the browser down, log out, reset your device, or do whatever you need to do to vacate the area.

I would highly recommend just shutting the computer off completely, boiling the kettle and spending the next hour in a quiet corner of the house with a book and a cup of tea. I'd be doing that myself except that people keep finding their way here, which inevitably results in emails like this one:

Dear Quiet Environmentalist,

I was looking for tips on how to reduce my family's water usage and found your website.

 It wasn't very helpful.

 If you are trying to get people to reduce their carbon footprint, you need to be more encouraging and positive. Calling people useless is very rude. I suggest focusing more on environmentally friendly lifestyle changes and less on your annoying neighbours.

 Kind regards,

 Trisha.

Firstly, this is most certainly not a blog about helping people reduce their carbon footprint. There is already 10,000 of those and the internet doesn't need another one. In fact, it probably doesn't need 9,990 of them. Nobody is reading them. Everybody is over at The Social Media watching sixteen second videos of people lip syncing in their living rooms and chipmunks stuffing their faces.

Secondly, Trisha, if you have just jumped online now to have a look at how you might reduce your carbon footprint and halt global warming, all I'll say is that you've left it a bit bloody late.

People are useless.

I think we have to accept that we are going to hit a 2.9-degree warmer planet sometime this century. Any hope I had for our future evaporated the day I saw the woman who lives in number 47 stuff a doona into her recycle bin. If nobody can even be bothered googling ‘what goes into a recycle bin’, we're pretty well stuffed.

No, this site is not about saving the planet and it is most certainly not about helping Trisha's oversized family reduce their water consumption. She really should have thought about that before deciding to create her own small army of carbon emitters.

This is just a quiet corner of the internet where an old man who does his best to be a good environmental citizen has a bit of a rant about people who don't. He'd tell them directly, but that would be very bad mannered and planetary destruction is no excuse for rudeness.

If you too are quietly frustrated because you're surrounded by annoyingly un-environmental people who require a pine plantation’s worth of paper towels every time they wash their hands, please feel free to stay and read the blog. It is for you.

For all the quiet environmentalists.

You can also stay and read it if one of your friends told you this weird, old, grumpy guy writes a blog you might appreciate and sent you a link. You probably think they referred you here because of how often you hashtag climatechange, but it is more likely that your friend is a closeted quiet environmentalist and your disposable coffee cup habit is something they regularly talk about with their therapist.

They're not going to tell you directly that they think you're single-handedly sending us over the global warming tipping point. That would be rude. They've just sent you here in the hope that you figure it out while we still have a few amphibian species left.

If that's why you’re here, fine. I'm happy to help out another quiet environmentalist with a problematic social circle. You can stay and read the blog too. It might even do you some good. (Although if you're one of my neighbours, I'm not going to get my hopes up. I'm not a miracle worker.)

The Quiet Environmentalist

P.S. If anyone knows the lady at number 47, I would appreciate you forwarding this on to her.