Nuclear Waste-Infused Fish
Credit: Jimmy Margulies/Cartoonstock
I was delighted to hear that Japan recently began releasing nuclear wastewater into the Pacific Ocean.
That probably seems an odd response from an environmentalist. I mean, I do have some concerns about whales getting cancer but, according to quite a few articles from reputable sounding sources, they are less likely to get cancer than humans, so they should be fine.
Actually, some scientists think they are just as susceptible to cancer as humans, but it's not so prevalent because they only tend to get it if when they are really old. I don’t imagine whale-oncology is a particularly lucrative field considering getting to a ripe old age requires strictly avoiding harpoons, boats and beaches throughout one’s lifetime. That's not easy to do, even when whales are taking a wide birth around Norwegian and Japanese shorelines.
If a whale manages to get old enough to get cancer, it’s done pretty well. It's probably quite sensible. Most likely it is nowhere near Japan. If there are any whales silly enough to still be arranging family catch ups off the coast of that harpoon weilding, hopefully they’ll now find the water tastes a bit funny and go somewhere else.
Ironically, nuclear wastewater might actually prove advantageous for the lifespans of whales.
That said, whale cancer is probably also not so common because they don't eat quite so much junk food as we do. This is likely to change now that their Pacific plankton comes infused with radioactive isotopes. Eating thousands of nuclear dinners may, unfortunately, result in the lifespans of many large marine mammals now aligning more closely with the lifespans of the many large terrestrial mammals who've eaten thousands of microwave dinners.
A lower life expectancy for our marine cousins would be a shame, of course, but I think if we were to discuss this with the whales, sharks, dolphins and other creatures at the top of the oceanic food chain, they would all agree that an increased risk of cancer in later life is well worth it if their radioactive bodies result in a few less interactions with humans.
They just might too.
If China's reaction to Japan using the Pacific as a nuclear sewage system is anything to go by, the idea of eating tritium-infused fish might get a few more people opting for tofu. This wouldn't be a bad thing considering the current global strategy for ocean management is for everyone to just catch as much as they like until the whole marine ecosystem collapses and there is nothing left.*
It is not really surprising that China would throw a major hissy fit over Japan contaminating the Pacific with nuclear wastewater. They have been working very diligently for many years to remove anything edible from that ocean and Japan's actions may result in 'anything edible' no longer requiring their enormous fleet of industrial fishing trawlers. I would like to imagine that the Chinese government's outrage comes from a deep concern for the health and wellbeing of marine ecosystems, but that would definitely require use of my imagination. Any foot stamping from China is because they very much enjoy catching fish, eating fish and selling all the leftover fish to other countries. They would really rather Japan didn't get in the way of that.
I appreciate the Chinese enjoy seafood and this is highly inconvenient, but they'll manage. They still have tofu. In fact, I hope it turns out that pumping nuclear wastewater into the Pacific is not a very good idea and it turns up in all sorts of oceanic delights that humans eat too much of. Now I know a lot of people are going to be annoyed at me for saying that because they like eating seafood and don't particularly like tofu. That's understandable. Tofu is a bit of an acquired taste and it took me some getting used to. I wasn't all that taken with it when I first tried it. I imagined it wasn't too dissimilar to leaving homemade Clag on the counter for forty-eight hours then dicing it up and throwing it into a stir-fry.
It grows on you if you persist with it. It doesn't even take that long. Replace one fish meal a week with some crispy salt and pepper tofu and you'll be craving it within a month. Much faster if you happen to be one of those people who spends hours in the kitchen perfecting recipes and lamenting the fact that knowledge of your culinary brilliance has not yet reached the producers of MasterChef Australia. I am not one of those people, yet even I now find tofu delicious (especially when one of those undiscovered MasterChef types cook it for me).**
Tofu is a perfectly good source of protein. There are also plenty of reasonable fish replacement products available that people can substitute their nuclear fish for. They might not taste exactly the same as the once-live version, but considering many of our fish populations are on the brink of collapse, is it really such an ask to try to adjust to the taste of something slightly different to what one is currently eating? Most people's food cravings are actually not as fussy or rigid as they imagine. If they swap out fish fillets for fishless fillets for three weeks their brain will start craving the faux version.***
Most people don't need to eat seafood. Very few of us are living in a snow hut in the Artic where survival revolves around a hole in the ice not closing up, nor are we marooned on an island with nothing but a handcrafted spear and some coconut trees to keep us alive. If you are someone who relies on seafood to sustain your family, you do what you need to do. If you are someone whose survival has less to do with the health of your local fish population than the opening hours of your local supermarket, there are alternatives.
In fact, most people will manage just fine even if the supermarket is shut. There will undoubtedly be a Chinese restaurant open nearby. Speaking from experience, they will do a much better job of turning tofu into crispy golden nuggets than if you attempt it at home. If this is an early rendezvous into the world of tofu, it is best to consult with the professionals and, considering China has recently wiped seafood from their national cuisine, I'm sure most restauranteurs will be appreciative of a sudden consumer uptake in requests.
If you're really not on board (yet) with tofu, that's okay. You'll find a good selection of bean-based alternatives in any East Asian restaurant, which probably says something about why the Japanese are not too concerned about their nuclear wastewater purge. They already have a taste for tempeh and a variety of other beans. The Koreans will also be fine as long as the contaminated ocean water doesn't get into the fried chicken and kimchi. Over the other side, the South Americans eat beans for breakfast, so I'm not too concerned about them. Pacific Islanders are not going to like it, but they're also well accustomed to disappointing environmental decisions made by the rest of the world, so at least this won't come as a surprise.
If pouring nuclear wastewater into the Pacific does result in much of the global marine population becoming slightly radioactive, human beings will manage. We always do. We have an uncanny ability to survive and prosper, even when it's not in the best interests of the planet to do so. Most people will probably just scroll passed stories about contaminated fish while eating their tuna sandwiches and not make the connection. Marine populations will likely continue to plummet, even if what is being eaten is known to be dangerous to those eating it. People still drink soft drink, after all.
At least those that put down the tuna sandwich and decide to get the faux tuna next time they shop will be able to say that the collapse of oceanic ecosystems wasn't their fault. Their reduced risk of cancer would be an added bonus.
Which takes me back to our large marine mammals. Eating a diet rich in radioactive isotopes is not going to be very good for them, but not having to compete with humans for all the fish would be. Many of them will also greatly appreciate being taken off the menu themselves. If the rate of fish consumption - and giant trawlers - drops, those animals will surely be grateful for the gift Japan is currently pouring into the ocean. (Although I’ll understand if the whales and dolphins decide not to send the Japanese a thank you card.)
The Quiet EnvironmentalistFurther Reading
China's Fishing Operations Raise Alarms Worldwide - The New York Times (nytimes.com)
China bans Japanese seafood after Fukushima wastewater release | Fukushima | The Guardian
Japan releases Fukushima water into the Pacific—is it dangerous? (nationalgeographic.com)
Why don’t whales get cancer? Cracking one of medicine’s greatest mysteries | Cancer | The Guardian
Why don't whales develop cancer, and why should we care? (medicalnewstoday.com)
What is Overfishing? Facts, Effects and Overfishing Solutions (worldwildlife.org)
What’s the Carbon Catch? (mailchi.mp)
Fukushima: China's seafood imports from Japan down 67% in August - BBC News
Podcasts and Documentaries
The End of the Line | Official Website | Imagine a world without fish (theendofthelinemovie.com)
The Cove - Oceanic Preservation Society (opsociety.org)
Chernobyl Reclaimed: An Animal Takeover (TV Movie 2007) - Plot - IMDb
*The proliferation, in recent years, of documentaries and articles pointing out that overfishing is a major environmental disaster has done very little to reduce global fish consumption. Mentioning the collapse of the oceanic food chain only seems to make people panic about a future without sushi and tuna salad, thus resulting in additional seafood purchases. The prevailing attitude seems to be that it is better to stockpile tins of fish than let someone else eat the last one. Hopefully when people find out they are getting a little dose of nuclear wastewater in their tuna mornay it might make them more inclined to cook something else and leave the last of the species in the ocean.
**If you are one of those types, don't worry. Your time will come. And knowing how to cook perfectly succulent tofu that's crunchy on the outside and spongey on the inside is going to work to your advantage. At some point, MasterChef Australia is going to run out of other ideas and decide to do a Climate Change series, which will mean that everything will be either wholefood plant-based or involve cooking the last few members of each Australian species on the critically endangered list. I assume they will go with the first option. I'm sure most of their viewers would prefer to watch the other version, but there would probably be a few complaints from pesky vegetarians, so you're better off working on your tofu technique than trying to figure out the best sauce for a Margaret River burrowing crayfish.
*** The only real downside to transitioning your tastebuds over to the faux-fish versions is that it will also become apparent that fish doesn't smell very nice. Especially when re-heated in the office microwave at lunchtime. If you are reading this and one of those lunchtime-microwave-office-fish-reheaters, I can confidently say, without having met you, that you are the least popular person in your office.
Published 01 Oct 2023
